Special Commemorative Photo-packed issue - Others schmothers

Back in season one, when everyone still thought dinosaurs were the rumble in the mysterious island jungle, The Others were an unknown, formidable force. Rousseau coins the term when describing those who've supposedly taken her baby towards the end of the season. Locke sums up the nagging suspicion of the 815ers, stating "We're not the only people on this island, and we all know it!", much to the excitement to the viewer. This was pretty much the pinnacle of excitement and mystery for The Others, and possibly the show. A career high, if you can call what they do a job. They are unknown, in both appearance and their history. They kidnap not only babies but characters with actual speaking roles. Our only physical reference for them is Ethan, who we know has adapted his dress in order to pass as one of the survivors. He seems to have almost super-human strength, apparently kidnapping two grown people, one of whom was heavily pregnant, and beating the shit out of Jack. Plus, he did bear a tiny resemblance to the actor's cousin Tom Cruise. Double scary. At the end of the series, we're granted another vision of The Others, this time appearing on a boat out at sea. These 'sea-billy' Others looked like off-island versions of the kind of red-necks you'd get in 1970s horror films. Their leader talks calmly to Sawyer, despite the threats he's making, reminding me of The Hitcher. The gang seems to comprise women, and a mixture of ages, reminding us of Texas Chainsaw massacre. A calm family of kidnappers who appear from out of no-where in the mddle of the ocean. Terrifying. This image of The Others as simple but formidable foes is furthered early on in season two, when Jin, Michael and Sawyer are captured on the beach. In silhouette, a bunch of primal island inhabitants weilding planks of wood with nails through them march towards them. Soon after though this is revealed to be a bit of a bluff. These aren't the Others, just the survivors from the Tail section. They were being aggressive to our 815ers because to them THEY were The Others. It's all relative, and maybe The Others themselves will have that same perspective when we finally meet them. Fuck that though, they better be proper nasty really. We don't need this getting all ambiguous as the years go on. Thank goodness a few epsiodes down the line we're granted another glimpse of the elusive group, as Jin and Mr Eko hide in a bush. According to Eko they walk bare-foot so as to not leave tracks. A child is amongst their group, probably one recently abducted from the Tail section's camp. Has he been brain-washed? Is he dead, and these people are now zombies? The Others now seemed at one with the earth, Elf-like, in their quiet, calculated steps through the jungle. Spooky. Later in the season when Jack, Sawyer, Kate and Locke run off through the jungle to try and find Michael, and run into some more Others trouble. The bearded chap is back, and tells them not to cross a line and leave them alone. He seems to know the names of some of the 815ers too. Quite scary. With the command "Light 'em up Alex!" we see his group have them surrounded. Still quite scary. Another bluff is revealed a few episodes later though, when fake beards and theatrical glue are found in the The Staff hatch. What little we've seen of The Others so far has been a ruse, constructed perhaps to protect the true nature of the group. We can now see they have a medical station, so perhaps they're a group of terrifying ex-Nazi scientists? Potentially very scary indeed. The beginning of season three gives us the clearest picture yet of the actual Others, as it opens on a group of well dressed, presentable suburbanites arguing at a book club in a cosy little house in what will eventually be referred to as 'New Otherton'. Not exactly terrifying in an obvious way, but the potential for this being some brain-washed cult, functioning all very well in their living rooms, while atrocities occur just out of shot, certainly is. But the reality was that there was no dark evil that lurked in the group. Yes, they were scientists, or some of them had been, but they were just run-of-the-mill surgeons, not exciting evil plastic surgeons. Ethan is shown in his hometown, and appears to be some handy-man. Quite how he carried off Charlie and Claire single-handedly in season one is never mentioned. Ben is even shown drinking proper coffee, which means these guys are super sophisticated. To be fair Benry Gale is a lot more complex than the rest of his brethren, and we could spend a lot longer discussing his particular character arc over the past five years. Still, here, as a member of the ever-deteriorating group The Others, his actions are noted for their sophistication. Even if he probably calls it 'expresso'. Pfft... Do these chaps really look like they're about to go off and swot up on their Latin, or perhaps head to a barbecue? How the fuck did these some-time primal, some-time intellectual group sink so low. All through season three, and most of the next two series, we've been subjected to the most ridiculous one-dimensional 'henchmen' stereotypes known to television. Look at these couple of bruisers in their cut-off leather shirts. You can just imagine the chap on the left saying "Hey boss, what's we goin' do once we wiped out these air-plane punks?" And it jut gets even worse from there onwards. In season 6 we're shown The Temple, where The Other Others live. At this point, we could be expecting to meet the most terrifying villains of them all. Temples are mysterious, right? This whole season is going to be one giant end-of-game Boss level with fifty evil Mister Miyagis to vanquish. No wonder the Others we know so far have become increasingly pathetic, it's because we're warming up to the big finale; lots of karate, some magical Chinese spells, and possibly some egyptian mummies. Here goes everything Lost, hit me with the ultimate in terrifying villainry! Oh dear. Oh fucking deary me. Yes, a lot of the other characters the 815ers meet at the carboard Disney Castle Temple set are quite scary. One even speaks a terrifying, ancient language (erm, Mandarin) and wields a big stick. They're all aggressive to our gang, but it all takes place in an 'ancient' building that looks about five years old. And every scene is shot really brightly, adding to the contrivance. The whole set-up doesn't instill the viewer with a sense of dread, or peril, in the same way you can't really be scared when you're somewhere nice on a sunny day. To be honest, when I first saw these chaps I thought it was another bluff being pulled over the gang's eyes. How utterly ridiculous that the ultimate, elite group or inner-circle Others would look like extras on the Pirates of The Caribbean ride, complete with MDF set. But no, this IS it, unfortunately. Five year build-up, and heres the payoff. Take this chap. The producers think they're being all very subtle and nudge-nudge about their references in the show. Ooh, let's call them lead characters 'Rousseau' and 'John Locke'. VERY clever. Then let's help a few more people who didn't get those ones and call someone Daniel 'Faraday'. Get it? Like in SCIENCE? And so now we have a man who looks like John Lennon, called 'Lennon'. Not just the round glasses, either. The hair, the beard, and the general 1970s dress. Did whoever came up with this realise just how popular The Beatles were? That it's one thing recognising Amelia Earhart inspires another woman in season three, but that with this chap they've given up any degree of subtlety? Which brings us to the sad end of this sorry tale. Two rejects from Les Miserable stand between our original 815 survivors and freedom, or whatever it is they're striving for these days. Getting off or on the island? Being 'candidates'? Whatever it is, I don't think these chumps are going to cause them much bother. Are these really the mystical force we were supposed to be so scared of, creeping through the jungle like animals? Do you quake at the sight of them, in fear of their super-human strength? Or their magnificent knowledge and cunning? No, you see two lazily constructed non-speaking stand-ins, bought into horrible clarity because the show is now filmed in HD. Thanks Lost, for continually ruining the brilliant set up of your original season. For always showing more, when sense would have dictated that you keep a few special mysteries hidden. Like a well-dressed, but ugly stripper. Sometimes it's the not knowing that's exciting.

Season 6 Episode 4 - Alternate Timeline - Michelle's Review

We look into John Locke's alternative life had he not crashed, we are reminded he once had a pretty wife a bit out of his league who takes it surprisingly well that he A) lied to her B) is a knife wielding psycho and C) has evidence that he's having an affair with a Dr. called Jack.

John is fired, hired by Hurley via Rose and becomes a teacher with a paedo looking Henry Gale who is a coffee pot dictator in this 'reality'. Alternative plot lines are DULL as, I think I'm meant to be impressed each time a character comes along I recognise from seasons ago. Instead it's like watching a 5 man play where the actors also play alternative characters when donning a moustache and top hat or fake boobs and lipstick.

We see a return to the 'I don't give a damn' Sawyer, which a recent poll of our lady Lostites showed that they prefer the hot-brooding-heart-broken-beer-stinkin' Sawyer to other versions. Although the Davidoff version is hot too. This week who he is so depressed after losing his 'love' Juliet (Juliet who frankly would have seduced anyone to leave the island and go play with her now not sick sister's child) he doesn't care that he's playing in the forest with a ghost/smoke monster/poltergeist/zombie. Despite Richard Maybelline's warnings.

I am a little bored now, just like how I was feeling when watching, falling down ladders, scribbles on walls, erm, only a few names are potential hosts or whatever Zombie Locke said. Erm, LOST **boooooooom**

(Fade to black.)

Season 6 - Episode 3 - Dawn of the Dead-Boring

For the benefit of retaining any readers of this blog, let's ignore the 'flash-sideways' storyline of this episode. 'What Kate Does' in alternative LOST-land was in general as boring as what anything Kate does in the show. Don't mistake being attractive and yet not entirely one dimensional for an interesting character. Kate is either a tomboy stereotype or pathetically girly, and very little in-between. This week she literally went from a gun toting, cab-hijacker (and queue-jumper too, let's not forget that social crime) to apologetic pregnant lady-aider in the space of twenty minutes.

So yes, let's brush over that unnecessary water-treading. Let's instead focus on what tiny tidbits of mystery we were allowed this week. Most notably, ZOMBIES.

Ever since 2006 the show's creators have joked about the Mythical 'Zombie season'. Then, it revolved around the mysterious appearances of Walt around the island after his kidnapping. A fake script was even put up as an Easter Egg on the official site. Now, despite being quickly acknowledged and dismissed in discussion between Sayid and Hurley, it seems the joke has become a reality. Sayid raises from the dead, adding an apt nail in the coffin to any logical final solution to the show. He's been 'claimed' apparently, and his resurrectors quickly make plans to set this straight and kill him again. Quite what being 'claimed' involves isn't explained, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with actually-dead Locke being possessed/cloned/inhabited by the spirit of Jacob's nemesis. In fact, they can probably tie a bunch of island mysteries up with this one.

Lots of characters have died on Lost. Some have come back as mysterious visions to more essential cast members. Yemi chatted with Eko, Hurley saw Charlie (albeit offf-island), Michael saw Libby, and of course Christian 'Jack's Dad' Shepherd has had a chat with pretty much every cast member, including Vincent. None have fully come 'back to life' though, they've merely appeared briefly as visions. Claire was one seemingly ex- cast member that divided opinion though. Her disappearance at the end of season four, supposedly with dad Christian, was confusing to many. She'd been acting oddly for a few episodes, with ghost-talker Miles apparently looking at her funny. Fans insist that at that point she was in fact a ghost walking amongst the Losties. They cite the explosion at the end of the gun battle in season four, where small-mouthed Keemy and his bunch of military stereotype friends stormed the DHARMA village, as the the cause of her demise. Since then she'd been acting very odd, and walking off with old Papa Booze-alot was just one of the many symptoms of her craziness.

Now it seems she's gone proper mad, as her hair is all unkempt. She's become the new Rousseau, and has even learnt how to make traps in order to purge the cast of any annoying B-characters. The very same Rousseau who spoke of a 'sickness' that took her crew back in the eighties when their boat crashed. Perhaps it 'claimed' them, and was the same disease that Desmond injected himself daily in order to fend off. Hmmmmmm...

My theory is this. Jacob's Enemy can possess dead people, and this explains any instances of 'visions' we've seen so far. He appeared as Christian when Flight 815 arrived, and he's continued to turn up in different guises as more and more people keep dying. He doesn't have to inhabit just one at a time, as he's a giant magical smoke monster and so that's not really a problem. As he tries to infect people with his spirit, they go a bit mad. He's the reason Rousseau's crew all shot each other, why Radzinski eventually shoots himself in the hatch with Kelvin, and will probably end up being the cause of the eventual fate of the Black Rock arrivals once we hear their story. Back on the beach in olden times eating the fish, fans have become fixated on Jacob's enemy being his Earthly equal. Perhaps he was just the latest incarnation, someone who had recently died on the island. Remember how Jacob's Enemy says how it always ends the same? "They come, they destroy, they corrupt". He is the cause of the corruption, and with the 815ers Jacob is trying to reverse the trend.

As an aside, the character who actually would make an awesome Zombie is Sayid, so I'm rooting for him to get fully 'claimed'. He's a crazy, torturing, gun-for-hire in real life, so imagine his appetite for tasty torturous braaaaaaiins once he goes full blown!!

But we'd better put that kind of stuff to the back of our minds, as there's at least fourteen hours before we'll be getting final confirmation about our theories. There are more immediate Island things to deal with; How will the two groups meet, now they're in the same timeline? Which ones of the new Other Others will continue on as fully-fledged characters, if any, seeing as it's so late in the game? Why is one of them the world's cheapest John Lennon lookalike, who is ACTUALLY CALLED 'LENNON'? What purpose does the alternative timeline have? Is it the afterlife? Did Juliet go there when she died and told Miles "It WORKED!" last episode? Tune in NEXT week for no answers to any of this, just more plodding about in the jungle, but hopefully some actual zombies.

Season 6 - Episode 1/2 - With great paradox, comes great responsibility

And so we arrive at the end of all things, with all it's Parallel Universes, Fountains of Eternal Life and Lost Cities of Atlantis. Lost has returned from it's extended Summer holiday, and appears eager to tell all to it's returning friends. We have confirmation that Un-Locke is the smoke monster, that Richard arrived a slave aboard the Black Rock, and that there are now multiple realities where a whole separate timeline of events are being played out.

Oceanic Flight 815 didn't crash, but Jack looks very confused, like he thought it would. He's talking to Rose, and Bernard is having a poo. However, his hair is longer, and one-time hatch dweller Desmond is sitting next to him. A full comparison of the differences in this opening scene is shown here. Woah, people posting Youtube clips trying to solve Lost, this season really is going to be mimicking it's former glory. Charlie is in the bathroom taking some heroin like it's 2004, but this time he's hinting at a suicide attempt. His hair is also shorter, but I fear that's more to do with his appearance being a short cameo than anything to do with alternate realities. He can't grow a floppy fringe for Flashforward during it's hiatus, or he'll lose his new-found villainy.

Anyway, nobody dies on the plane, and yet it's still very exciting to see. Locke chats with Boone, even though he's now in Vampire Diaries and could have told ABC to fuck off like Shannon obviously did. Kate and her cartoon jailer bicker and fight a bit, Hurley is a confident lottery winner and owner of Mister Clucks, and Artz over-eggs the first acting gig he's had since season 3. It's pretty much all fun for everyone in this reality, apart from Jack. You get the feeling he knows he's in an alternate realty, and has memories of the people around him. Later in the episode he speaks to Locke about his condition, who's sadly still paralysed despite having raved about his Walkabout tour to oblivious Boone. Jack has a crazy idea he can cure Locke, which must come from suppressed island memory as off-island he seems to kill everyone he operates on.

This reality is obviously quite different to the one we remember, and not just because of the actors they could convince to come back. As the camera leaps from the plane and down into the ocean, we see a badly-CGI-ed island, with all the familiar huts, sonic fences, four-toed statues and Windows 95 Screensaver-era fish swimming about. Let's assume this is the state of the island post Hydrogen bomb, and that none of the events off-island since 1977 have occurred since the island sunk. Faraday wasn't born, as Ellie would be dead. Desmond doesn't live there, as the hatch was never built. Richard Alpert, Jacob and Ben must be dead. But if that's the case, Jacob hasn't been back for his creepy trips to all the 815ers as children. How come their lives still lead to them boarding the plane if what we were shown at the end of last season was so significant? Also, did Hurley win the lottery with the numbers? If so, how? He can't have gotten them from his friend in the mental institute. Not only did he not stay there, but his friend couldn't have lived on the island.

Meanwhile, we have another more familiar reality to deal with, where everyone's acting like surviving a Hydrogen Bomb blast and landing thirty years in the future is entirely normal and that Jack's plan hasn't worked. Juliet dies again, and we've supposed to be impressed once more about how far Sawyer has come these past five years. He's sad and angry, which means somehow conveying two emotions at the same time. He says he'll kill Jack! Sawyer Maaaaaaaaadddd!!! It's clear why they're trying to force his character to revert to his pre-redemptive season one self. They sold this whole final season to fans as being a re-boot not only in possibly re-visiting the events immediately following Flight 815, but of everyone running through the jungle, not knowing what's going on. I'm sure we'll see Kate and Jack face their original demons once more, as the show returns to it's original themes in the coming weeks.

At the temple, we meet a new group of Other Others. I guess Ben's crew have lost a lot of their mysterious spiritual credibility in the past couple of years, what with all the book groups and generally being rubbish at fighting. So now the ragtag bunch of ex-hippies with goatees and denim cut-offs (have a look! They do wear them!) is upgraded to a load of Chinese people with guns. John Lennon is there too, dressed as the chap from Apocalypse now, but we don't know if he's magical yet. We know all Chinese people are though, and that most of them have the ability to live forever so it's no surprise they have a fountain of eternal youth in what must be the Temple's living room. They've all probably been living there bathing in it every night for the past thousand years, so God/Jacob knows what's in it. Richard Alpert's used it, Sayid's used it. Maybe Sawyer will give it a go and he'll infect the whole of the island with some sexually transmitted disease he's picked up from his conman days.

Forget all that hocus pocus though. The introduction of stereotypical Chinese people in Lost can only mean one thing: karate! After years of Sayid always coming out tops in season finales it seems we'll finally have a real challenge once Head Chinese-man has taught our 815ers how to fight properly, possibly after a montage scene where he gets them to re-paint the Temple, Mister Miyagi style. Not a bad idea. As my friend Henry pointed out, it does all ook a bit 'Crystal Maze'.

With a puff of flare-smoke, we get confirmation that the 1977 DHARMA folk have indeed returned to the timeline of Un-Locke, Richard, Ben, Sun and the recently deceased Jacob. Un-Locke beats Richard up a bit, mentioning something about 'chains', and is generally quite aggressive to the group we can now assume originally arrived on the Black Rock. It was very exciting to see Terry O'Quinn (Locke-actor) relax, and play the villain that's he's so often been hinted at becoming. I'm sure we'll see a lot more of this in the following weeks, before Original-Locke's inevitable ACTUAL re-birth in the Temple around episode 16, as he leads the ex-Others/Black-Rockers on some nasty quest against the 815ers.

Joining together the two groups after a season and a half does mean there'll be some exciting conflict. (Following Lost-lore, it'll be around episode 8, in that difficult mid-season section). Jin and Sun will re-unite at last. She's assumed him dead for three years, far outweighing the Penny and Desmond ordeal in the reconciliation stakes. She's definitely had botox during their time apart, and he's learnt a whole new language, so if she's not pregnant from his English-speaking seed by the end of season six there's definitely something affecting pregnant women on the island.

Oh yeah, what ever happened to that?

Season 6 - Predictive Text

Six minutes of the show have been leaked by some lucky competition winners, and some chap recently pirated the whole episode filming from his beach hut. Despite this, I'm around 95% spoiler-free for this week's double episode 'premier' 'LA-X'. Obviously, I do know the title is 'LA-X' which does lead us down a few prescriptive narrative paths. The theory doing on the internets back before filming had begun was around some kind of 'reset'. Charlie, Ana Lucie and a few of the other cast members appeared on a poster at Comic Con, hinting strongly at some kind of new timeline where 815 doesn't crash and none of the events we've seen these past five years took place. Or, it could just have been a nifty tease done for promotional reasons. Let's hope the cast members don't return for some dream sequence, or dripping with water in the jungle talking backwards. Anyway, here is my theory as to what happened when Juliet smashed that H-bomb, and how this final stretch will play out:

815 didn't crash. Desmond didn't forget to press the button, as it doesn't exist. The Oceanic plane glides over the island without any major event, and everyone arrives in LA with some weird feeling that they all know each other. Everyone's hair is at different lengths, and some actors have gotten a bit more porky/wrinkly/puberty-ey, but all the characters we know and love land and go on about their normal lives. Jack buries his father. Kate goes to prison. Hurley buys Mister Clucks, explaining the bizarre ad that did the rounds last summer. Some of the stories are worth telling, and these are the ones we'll follow. Others, like Charlie's, will be a bit despairing, and so we'll only see him for a couple of episodes. Without the redemptive antics those years battling with The Others/Widmore/Egyptian immortals, many characters will be still horribly Lost, continuing to be drug addicts and torturers and having semi-acceptable sexual liasons with their half-sisters in Los Angeles. This will play as the reason they have to go back, again, to set the paths of destiny straight. Again.

Meanwhile, the plotline with non-Locke and Ben stabbing Jacob in the old egyptian shoe statue (FFS, you really can't make this shit up) is too good to just abandon. While 70s DHARMA was getting tired after four episodes, there's a lot of intrigue left in the gang of possible Black Rock descendants, especially their coffin with Locke's body in it. Somehow this lot aren't reset, as the law of Lost Season 'Premiers' (sorry, but I really hate using that word. It's not a film, it's the first episode of the year. But no, we have to call it a 'Premier', and talk about when it 'premiers'. FFS America, you are ruining the English language) dictates that characters must always start in two groups, which inevitably re-join around two thirds of the way through. In this case, I believe the other group will be mysteriously transported back to the time of the ancient island dwellers, around Egyptian times. Stay with me, it makes perfect sense! This way the show can tell the origins of the black smoke, the statue, the healing powers, Richard Alpert, the fact the island is invisible, the ever-changing weather, the reason none of the female islanders had to shave their legs during their island tenure, EVERYTHING. Then for some reason, once all the characters are settled into jobs as slaves, or deities, they'll need to regroup with the 815 folk, and everything will go batshit crazy.

So how will it end? I don't know, but here are some specific predictions/guesses for the end of the WHOLE SHOW:

Locke will be revealed to be some highly revered ancient God. He'll die (again) in the ancient past, and everyone will pray for him to one day return. This explains his whole reason for being on the island, and his 'destiny', and all that nonsense.

Jack will have a one-to-one with someone God-like. Probably Locke. Or his fucking dad. He'll explain everything we've seen these past five years in just a few sentences. Details will be swept over (,shame, no more backstory around Jack's tattoo's) and the whole thing will be sewn up as something to do with Scientology. Jack will have to sacrifice himself, which we'll be lead to believe is a very sad thing, despite most viewers wanting him dead since season two. He'll die saving everyone, in that way he loves so much. He'll know he has to do it too and will cry a lot, really dragging it out.

There will be multiple-dimensions, in addition to the time-travel mind-fuckery of last year. Off-island Jack will have to meet himself and convince him to go back. Again. We might even see a return of his rubbish fake beard just so that the casual viewer doesn't get the two confused.

All the old characters re-introduced will be killed off again, some comically. The show will make lots of oh-so-clever jokes about it's own story-telling mechanisms. They've used the staple 'red shirt' gag to have un-named minor characters killed previously, especially during the flaming arrows bit of season five. This time it'll be someone like Ana Lucia, who'll rock up to say "Maybe we're all back for a reason?!" Then Locke will flash into shot and chop her head off with an Egyptian scythe. They know people are watching expecting major revelations, so will set out to shock the viewer.

Adam and Eve in the caves will turn out to be Desmond and Penny. Abadon will be revealed to be a grown up Walt. Sun and Jin's daughter will marry Claire's son Aaron. There will be an English character with a terrible accent. Polar bears will play a major role in the final episode. Every episode will feature someone saying how everything HAS to HAPPEN because IF NOT, EVERYTHING we know WILL DIE. It'll all end with a plane crash, and some kind of time-loop. Then finally we can get on with the rest of our lives.

Lost s05e08 - Discussion - A long time ago on an island far, far away

As I write this in 2009, Lost has been with us for over four years, and during that time as viewers we've become increasingly fond of the characters on screen. It's always been difficult to remember that in the timescale of the show Jack, Kate, Sawyer et al have only known each for 100 days. As the show resurfaces each year promising to be more epic than the previous season, the romances are distorted to Gone with the Wind proportions. Characters might get kidnapped and become physically distanced from their current loved one, but those between-broadcasts weeks only amount to a couple of days on the island. Jack, Kate and Sawyer might have seemed like an epic love triangle, but it's really nothing more than a holiday romance, a bit of fumbling under the peer with a few longing gazes at the burly man who runs the donkey rides along the beach.

What they've always needed is a timescale that reflected the shows grandiose lofty 'meaning of life' storylines. This week a fade to black, and a weighty 'three years later' finally delivered that.

But let's allow these posts some kind of semblance of structure, and follow the events as they panned out narratively, if not chronologically. The episode starts where Locke left off, and the island gets a brief visit to the very-past that's been hinted at but previously unseen. Juliet, Sawyer, Miles turn at a spectacle in the distance, and nerds everywhere get that funny feeling they normally associate to being near girls. Finally, after three years of teasing, it's the giant four toes statue! We're going to see the indigenous people of the island, it's going to be ama - FLASH! Oh, well that's that then.

Obviously their encounter with the confusingly scaled man of rock was going to be a brief one, as perhaps the era in island history is of such significance that the producers are leaving it until the next, final series. We do have enough of a visual reference to have a few stabs in the dark though, and to put those 'it's Locke/Ben' theories to rest. From the posture, and his classical education, Ferg reckons it's one of these chaps, the name of whom escapes me now. From the headdress it looks Egyptian. Is it Anubis, or some God of Fertility? The internet seems to think so. With the issues with childbirth on-island resurfacing in this weeks episode, I'd hedge my bets on his origin being related.

Who's to say this is even the time of Four Toes' heyday? He could have stood on the horizon for centuries, ignored by black rock survivors and then destroyed by these US army chaps who rocked up in the 50s. They brought a fucking hydrogen bomb, so I doubt preserving National Trust listed attractions was high on their list.

One thing we do know though is that preserving themselves is of a high-priority for the DHARMA crowd that we now find ourselves settled within. They've got a new Head of Security, and he's got some drunk portly Island-inhabitants to keep in line. When the Geronimo Jackson dancing (and possibly alternative love-triangle-'ing') troupe rock up in Otherville knocking on the door of this La Fleur chap, we're none too surprised to find it's Sawyer but with a slightly less bristly beard. He's had to keep his long flowing locks for the Davidoff retainer, but it's still quite clear that quite a considerable time has passed.

Back to the time-survivors, staggering about the well, and there's further time confusion. When they stumble upon mourning Daniel, how come recently deceased Charlotte has disappeared during the time-jumps? We know non-organic matter has traveled with them before, and I'm pretty sure Dan was clutching her quite tightly. Is this just a plot-hole in the pop-sci-fi that conveniently does away with the need for a lengthy funeral scene, or does her now non-existence and subsequent vanishing act fit perfectly into the Rules that govern the show? I'll go for a bit of both, but we won't be finding out anything about it for a while as time-traveling seems to have been paired down to the strictly linear variant for the time being.

As that paragraph moves to this one, I myself have suddenly traveled two months into the future. Due to my new flat's lack of broadband and a computer that my May 1st self would joke has caught Swine Flu, I was unable to finish this blogpost in my leisure hours. Not only does this one end a bit abruptly, but now I face the arduous task of writing up a review of three episodes that weren't actually very good. One thing that I do need to add was what gave the title to this post. My Lost-viewing partner Mark pointed out if the survivors landed in 1977 and were looking for a reason to go back on the sub to the mainland, seeing Star Wars in that Chinese Manns Theatre on day of release might be a pretty fucking good one. His other comment was that Sawyer will be chuffed once he arrives in 2009 to find that the entire population of East London approve of his lumberjacks shirts.

Lost s05e07 - Discussion - Driving Mister Crazy

Since the very first few episodes, with then-unknown possibly-paedo Locke teaching Walt how to play backgammon on the beach, Lost has used Black and White as a device that divides characters and events. The use of polar (ho ho ho) opposites in a show where questionable actions are carried out by morally ambiguous folk means as viewers we're constantly trying to see whose team who sits on. Characters' actions are only 'bad' from the viewer's perspective, as they've been to their own means. Locke's allegiance, and the reasons for his submarine-exploding, father-killing 'bad' days, has always been to the island/Jacob, and so should any judgment we reserve for him be applied to it/him? Each week we are finding out more about the man pulling the strings. If it turns out he's a villain, Locke most certainly is too.

The episode opens with an immediate answer to the niggling question from last week. It seems the plane did crash, and that the producers have found enough DHARMA-ruppees down the back of the Hanso-sofa to buy another real plane. The conspicuous passenger aboard Arija Airlines is apparently called Cesear, and is indeed going to have a speaking role in the show. The question is whether that future-found water bottle was his, or if we're going to have yet another minor character knocked off the show for Driving Under the Influence in Hawaii. He's not looking for booze in the abandoned looking Hydra though, just guns. The lack of lights and general grimy decor imply this is definitely post-2005. Perhaps the plane landed on the runway Juliet joked they were making prisoners Kate and Sawyer build back when they were smashing rocks in season three?

Locke is 'reborn', and sits amongst his new gang of survivors by a campfire dressed like a Jedi. I can't be the only one who wasn't entirely surprised by this turn of events. Ever since he was included in the gang that had to go back I've assumed he'd suddenly start living again once he did, as Christian/Jacob seems to have done. What interests me more is the nature of his death and what could possibly have lead him to kill himself.

Oh, one more point about the AA-ers-era story. It added a great sense of the series itself being reborn. I had at times that exciting feeling of the unknown that stayed with me through the first series of Lost. With a whole new group of survivors we have fresh perspective through which to view the wonders of the island. Events even mimicked those of the Pilot episode, with Locke shown joyfully munching on found fruit. No 'Godfather' grin to camera this time though.

Off island Locke too regresses to earlier themes. After a few series of knife-throwing and Ben appeasing, he finally gets back to playing the victim he played so well in season one. He's back in a wheelchair, which obviously helps, but it's the futility of his quest that makes you pity him. None of the characters he visits have any reason to want to return, despite his detailing the peril their on-island friends are supposedly in. Kate's happy. Jack's drunk so he's definitely happy. Even Sayid has suddenly gone all Bob Geldof, building a barn for some poor folk, taking a breather from killing people.

His driver in the John Locke Comeback Tour 2007 is Matthew 'The Wire' Abaddon. It turns out he isn't some exciting third party interested in the island, he just works for Jimmy Widmore getting people to where they need to be. His Lost career seems to have been cut short by with his premature death, so perhaps he was sipping some of Widmore's lovely expensive Whisky between shots and he's gone to join Ana Lucia and Libby in minor cast-member heaven? We might not have seen the last of him though. Once again fans are joining the similarly coloured dots together and suggesting that Matthew is Walt but older. They cite how he shrinks back out of the way of Locke when speaking to the sprouting youngster as his character avoiding creating a paradox.

When Locke does eventually end up about to hang himself in a hotel room because he simply has no place in the outside world, like that chap from Shawshank, we're treated to what will probably be the best scene from this whole season. Benry turns up like Morgan Freeman should have in that film, as if on cue, to talk him down and build him up. Can Ben save Locke, and change his destiny? Will these events directly influence the Jacks-Dad's shoes wearing Locke, being the reason he comes back to life? Morbidly though, we're all actually hoping he does die. Meeting one's maker is much more interesting than sitting around talking about your feelings. And when he does, strangled to death after telling Ben he knew of Ringlady Hawkings, it makes the almost-avoided death more shocking.

Did Ben change his mind, and realise Locke had to die? His martrydom certainly leads Jack to attempt suicide and then get the band back together. Was it really Daniel's mother's name that lead to his about-turn in emotion? Perhaps if Locke had been at her spooky DHARMA-church discussions would have lead to Ben not being allowed to return. Jack's Dad said that it was Locke and not Ben who's destiny it was to move the island, and that Ben had merely fucked the wheel up enough to give us four or five exciting episodes of time-travel on-island. If he's just a clutz, and not once of the Oceanic 6, he becomes unnecessary plot-wise. He'd surely go and sign up for whatever part-time gigs Rose and Bernhard do.

Now we've seen him turn on someone he professes to care for, are we to believe once and for all that Ben is evil? From the way Jimmy Widmore's been helping Locke out we're clearly being thrown into an ethical spin. No-one wants to be backing the wrong horse/polar bear, especially when you've got the Island of Fate and an all-powerful judgmental Smoke Monster that's running the show. Both sides have done bad things for 'the greater good' in order to help them maintain or take-back the island. Our survivors have always questioned the bad and supported the good in regards to these actions that have been taken.

Was Charlie a good guy once he rid his body of heroin, even if he fake-abducted Sun? Was Sayid's brief island stint as a non-totrurer an indicator of him being more good than bad, or should we measure him more on the killing he's done since leaving? Ever since Benry Gale got caught in Rousseau's trap we've been aware of 'good people', but no-one is ever suggested to be 'bad'. It is the viewer's willingness to divide cast members into 'goodies and baddies' that the islanders reflect. There are those of them on their side, and 'Others'.

When this division was merely location-based on the island, it was simple. The introduction of Penny and the Freighter people changed it to 'those on island' and 'those approaching', but we were still watching one tangible group dealing with the other. Now the show has widened it's scope to include characters around the globe, and our main leads have become the 'Others'. Does it even matter at this point which one out of Ben and Widmore is good or evil? I reckon this whole feud will eventually be put down to some Trading Places style bet, and that they're both pretty reprehensible people. As Locke suspected this week, he's just a pawn in someone else's war.

Now that he's back though, I'm excited to see how Locke will have changed by his brief visit to the afterlife. They've messed with the format of the show so much these past two seasons with flash-backs/forwards/sideways that I don't see a flash to heaven/hell out of the question.