Season 6 - Predictive Text

Six minutes of the show have been leaked by some lucky competition winners, and some chap recently pirated the whole episode filming from his beach hut. Despite this, I'm around 95% spoiler-free for this week's double episode 'premier' 'LA-X'. Obviously, I do know the title is 'LA-X' which does lead us down a few prescriptive narrative paths. The theory doing on the internets back before filming had begun was around some kind of 'reset'. Charlie, Ana Lucie and a few of the other cast members appeared on a poster at Comic Con, hinting strongly at some kind of new timeline where 815 doesn't crash and none of the events we've seen these past five years took place. Or, it could just have been a nifty tease done for promotional reasons. Let's hope the cast members don't return for some dream sequence, or dripping with water in the jungle talking backwards. Anyway, here is my theory as to what happened when Juliet smashed that H-bomb, and how this final stretch will play out:

815 didn't crash. Desmond didn't forget to press the button, as it doesn't exist. The Oceanic plane glides over the island without any major event, and everyone arrives in LA with some weird feeling that they all know each other. Everyone's hair is at different lengths, and some actors have gotten a bit more porky/wrinkly/puberty-ey, but all the characters we know and love land and go on about their normal lives. Jack buries his father. Kate goes to prison. Hurley buys Mister Clucks, explaining the bizarre ad that did the rounds last summer. Some of the stories are worth telling, and these are the ones we'll follow. Others, like Charlie's, will be a bit despairing, and so we'll only see him for a couple of episodes. Without the redemptive antics those years battling with The Others/Widmore/Egyptian immortals, many characters will be still horribly Lost, continuing to be drug addicts and torturers and having semi-acceptable sexual liasons with their half-sisters in Los Angeles. This will play as the reason they have to go back, again, to set the paths of destiny straight. Again.

Meanwhile, the plotline with non-Locke and Ben stabbing Jacob in the old egyptian shoe statue (FFS, you really can't make this shit up) is too good to just abandon. While 70s DHARMA was getting tired after four episodes, there's a lot of intrigue left in the gang of possible Black Rock descendants, especially their coffin with Locke's body in it. Somehow this lot aren't reset, as the law of Lost Season 'Premiers' (sorry, but I really hate using that word. It's not a film, it's the first episode of the year. But no, we have to call it a 'Premier', and talk about when it 'premiers'. FFS America, you are ruining the English language) dictates that characters must always start in two groups, which inevitably re-join around two thirds of the way through. In this case, I believe the other group will be mysteriously transported back to the time of the ancient island dwellers, around Egyptian times. Stay with me, it makes perfect sense! This way the show can tell the origins of the black smoke, the statue, the healing powers, Richard Alpert, the fact the island is invisible, the ever-changing weather, the reason none of the female islanders had to shave their legs during their island tenure, EVERYTHING. Then for some reason, once all the characters are settled into jobs as slaves, or deities, they'll need to regroup with the 815 folk, and everything will go batshit crazy.

So how will it end? I don't know, but here are some specific predictions/guesses for the end of the WHOLE SHOW:

Locke will be revealed to be some highly revered ancient God. He'll die (again) in the ancient past, and everyone will pray for him to one day return. This explains his whole reason for being on the island, and his 'destiny', and all that nonsense.

Jack will have a one-to-one with someone God-like. Probably Locke. Or his fucking dad. He'll explain everything we've seen these past five years in just a few sentences. Details will be swept over (,shame, no more backstory around Jack's tattoo's) and the whole thing will be sewn up as something to do with Scientology. Jack will have to sacrifice himself, which we'll be lead to believe is a very sad thing, despite most viewers wanting him dead since season two. He'll die saving everyone, in that way he loves so much. He'll know he has to do it too and will cry a lot, really dragging it out.

There will be multiple-dimensions, in addition to the time-travel mind-fuckery of last year. Off-island Jack will have to meet himself and convince him to go back. Again. We might even see a return of his rubbish fake beard just so that the casual viewer doesn't get the two confused.

All the old characters re-introduced will be killed off again, some comically. The show will make lots of oh-so-clever jokes about it's own story-telling mechanisms. They've used the staple 'red shirt' gag to have un-named minor characters killed previously, especially during the flaming arrows bit of season five. This time it'll be someone like Ana Lucia, who'll rock up to say "Maybe we're all back for a reason?!" Then Locke will flash into shot and chop her head off with an Egyptian scythe. They know people are watching expecting major revelations, so will set out to shock the viewer.

Adam and Eve in the caves will turn out to be Desmond and Penny. Abadon will be revealed to be a grown up Walt. Sun and Jin's daughter will marry Claire's son Aaron. There will be an English character with a terrible accent. Polar bears will play a major role in the final episode. Every episode will feature someone saying how everything HAS to HAPPEN because IF NOT, EVERYTHING we know WILL DIE. It'll all end with a plane crash, and some kind of time-loop. Then finally we can get on with the rest of our lives.

Lost s05e08 - Discussion - A long time ago on an island far, far away

As I write this in 2009, Lost has been with us for over four years, and during that time as viewers we've become increasingly fond of the characters on screen. It's always been difficult to remember that in the timescale of the show Jack, Kate, Sawyer et al have only known each for 100 days. As the show resurfaces each year promising to be more epic than the previous season, the romances are distorted to Gone with the Wind proportions. Characters might get kidnapped and become physically distanced from their current loved one, but those between-broadcasts weeks only amount to a couple of days on the island. Jack, Kate and Sawyer might have seemed like an epic love triangle, but it's really nothing more than a holiday romance, a bit of fumbling under the peer with a few longing gazes at the burly man who runs the donkey rides along the beach.

What they've always needed is a timescale that reflected the shows grandiose lofty 'meaning of life' storylines. This week a fade to black, and a weighty 'three years later' finally delivered that.

But let's allow these posts some kind of semblance of structure, and follow the events as they panned out narratively, if not chronologically. The episode starts where Locke left off, and the island gets a brief visit to the very-past that's been hinted at but previously unseen. Juliet, Sawyer, Miles turn at a spectacle in the distance, and nerds everywhere get that funny feeling they normally associate to being near girls. Finally, after three years of teasing, it's the giant four toes statue! We're going to see the indigenous people of the island, it's going to be ama - FLASH! Oh, well that's that then.

Obviously their encounter with the confusingly scaled man of rock was going to be a brief one, as perhaps the era in island history is of such significance that the producers are leaving it until the next, final series. We do have enough of a visual reference to have a few stabs in the dark though, and to put those 'it's Locke/Ben' theories to rest. From the posture, and his classical education, Ferg reckons it's one of these chaps, the name of whom escapes me now. From the headdress it looks Egyptian. Is it Anubis, or some God of Fertility? The internet seems to think so. With the issues with childbirth on-island resurfacing in this weeks episode, I'd hedge my bets on his origin being related.

Who's to say this is even the time of Four Toes' heyday? He could have stood on the horizon for centuries, ignored by black rock survivors and then destroyed by these US army chaps who rocked up in the 50s. They brought a fucking hydrogen bomb, so I doubt preserving National Trust listed attractions was high on their list.

One thing we do know though is that preserving themselves is of a high-priority for the DHARMA crowd that we now find ourselves settled within. They've got a new Head of Security, and he's got some drunk portly Island-inhabitants to keep in line. When the Geronimo Jackson dancing (and possibly alternative love-triangle-'ing') troupe rock up in Otherville knocking on the door of this La Fleur chap, we're none too surprised to find it's Sawyer but with a slightly less bristly beard. He's had to keep his long flowing locks for the Davidoff retainer, but it's still quite clear that quite a considerable time has passed.

Back to the time-survivors, staggering about the well, and there's further time confusion. When they stumble upon mourning Daniel, how come recently deceased Charlotte has disappeared during the time-jumps? We know non-organic matter has traveled with them before, and I'm pretty sure Dan was clutching her quite tightly. Is this just a plot-hole in the pop-sci-fi that conveniently does away with the need for a lengthy funeral scene, or does her now non-existence and subsequent vanishing act fit perfectly into the Rules that govern the show? I'll go for a bit of both, but we won't be finding out anything about it for a while as time-traveling seems to have been paired down to the strictly linear variant for the time being.

As that paragraph moves to this one, I myself have suddenly traveled two months into the future. Due to my new flat's lack of broadband and a computer that my May 1st self would joke has caught Swine Flu, I was unable to finish this blogpost in my leisure hours. Not only does this one end a bit abruptly, but now I face the arduous task of writing up a review of three episodes that weren't actually very good. One thing that I do need to add was what gave the title to this post. My Lost-viewing partner Mark pointed out if the survivors landed in 1977 and were looking for a reason to go back on the sub to the mainland, seeing Star Wars in that Chinese Manns Theatre on day of release might be a pretty fucking good one. His other comment was that Sawyer will be chuffed once he arrives in 2009 to find that the entire population of East London approve of his lumberjacks shirts.

Lost s05e07 - Discussion - Driving Mister Crazy

Since the very first few episodes, with then-unknown possibly-paedo Locke teaching Walt how to play backgammon on the beach, Lost has used Black and White as a device that divides characters and events. The use of polar (ho ho ho) opposites in a show where questionable actions are carried out by morally ambiguous folk means as viewers we're constantly trying to see whose team who sits on. Characters' actions are only 'bad' from the viewer's perspective, as they've been to their own means. Locke's allegiance, and the reasons for his submarine-exploding, father-killing 'bad' days, has always been to the island/Jacob, and so should any judgment we reserve for him be applied to it/him? Each week we are finding out more about the man pulling the strings. If it turns out he's a villain, Locke most certainly is too.

The episode opens with an immediate answer to the niggling question from last week. It seems the plane did crash, and that the producers have found enough DHARMA-ruppees down the back of the Hanso-sofa to buy another real plane. The conspicuous passenger aboard Arija Airlines is apparently called Cesear, and is indeed going to have a speaking role in the show. The question is whether that future-found water bottle was his, or if we're going to have yet another minor character knocked off the show for Driving Under the Influence in Hawaii. He's not looking for booze in the abandoned looking Hydra though, just guns. The lack of lights and general grimy decor imply this is definitely post-2005. Perhaps the plane landed on the runway Juliet joked they were making prisoners Kate and Sawyer build back when they were smashing rocks in season three?

Locke is 'reborn', and sits amongst his new gang of survivors by a campfire dressed like a Jedi. I can't be the only one who wasn't entirely surprised by this turn of events. Ever since he was included in the gang that had to go back I've assumed he'd suddenly start living again once he did, as Christian/Jacob seems to have done. What interests me more is the nature of his death and what could possibly have lead him to kill himself.

Oh, one more point about the AA-ers-era story. It added a great sense of the series itself being reborn. I had at times that exciting feeling of the unknown that stayed with me through the first series of Lost. With a whole new group of survivors we have fresh perspective through which to view the wonders of the island. Events even mimicked those of the Pilot episode, with Locke shown joyfully munching on found fruit. No 'Godfather' grin to camera this time though.

Off island Locke too regresses to earlier themes. After a few series of knife-throwing and Ben appeasing, he finally gets back to playing the victim he played so well in season one. He's back in a wheelchair, which obviously helps, but it's the futility of his quest that makes you pity him. None of the characters he visits have any reason to want to return, despite his detailing the peril their on-island friends are supposedly in. Kate's happy. Jack's drunk so he's definitely happy. Even Sayid has suddenly gone all Bob Geldof, building a barn for some poor folk, taking a breather from killing people.

His driver in the John Locke Comeback Tour 2007 is Matthew 'The Wire' Abaddon. It turns out he isn't some exciting third party interested in the island, he just works for Jimmy Widmore getting people to where they need to be. His Lost career seems to have been cut short by with his premature death, so perhaps he was sipping some of Widmore's lovely expensive Whisky between shots and he's gone to join Ana Lucia and Libby in minor cast-member heaven? We might not have seen the last of him though. Once again fans are joining the similarly coloured dots together and suggesting that Matthew is Walt but older. They cite how he shrinks back out of the way of Locke when speaking to the sprouting youngster as his character avoiding creating a paradox.

When Locke does eventually end up about to hang himself in a hotel room because he simply has no place in the outside world, like that chap from Shawshank, we're treated to what will probably be the best scene from this whole season. Benry turns up like Morgan Freeman should have in that film, as if on cue, to talk him down and build him up. Can Ben save Locke, and change his destiny? Will these events directly influence the Jacks-Dad's shoes wearing Locke, being the reason he comes back to life? Morbidly though, we're all actually hoping he does die. Meeting one's maker is much more interesting than sitting around talking about your feelings. And when he does, strangled to death after telling Ben he knew of Ringlady Hawkings, it makes the almost-avoided death more shocking.

Did Ben change his mind, and realise Locke had to die? His martrydom certainly leads Jack to attempt suicide and then get the band back together. Was it really Daniel's mother's name that lead to his about-turn in emotion? Perhaps if Locke had been at her spooky DHARMA-church discussions would have lead to Ben not being allowed to return. Jack's Dad said that it was Locke and not Ben who's destiny it was to move the island, and that Ben had merely fucked the wheel up enough to give us four or five exciting episodes of time-travel on-island. If he's just a clutz, and not once of the Oceanic 6, he becomes unnecessary plot-wise. He'd surely go and sign up for whatever part-time gigs Rose and Bernhard do.

Now we've seen him turn on someone he professes to care for, are we to believe once and for all that Ben is evil? From the way Jimmy Widmore's been helping Locke out we're clearly being thrown into an ethical spin. No-one wants to be backing the wrong horse/polar bear, especially when you've got the Island of Fate and an all-powerful judgmental Smoke Monster that's running the show. Both sides have done bad things for 'the greater good' in order to help them maintain or take-back the island. Our survivors have always questioned the bad and supported the good in regards to these actions that have been taken.

Was Charlie a good guy once he rid his body of heroin, even if he fake-abducted Sun? Was Sayid's brief island stint as a non-totrurer an indicator of him being more good than bad, or should we measure him more on the killing he's done since leaving? Ever since Benry Gale got caught in Rousseau's trap we've been aware of 'good people', but no-one is ever suggested to be 'bad'. It is the viewer's willingness to divide cast members into 'goodies and baddies' that the islanders reflect. There are those of them on their side, and 'Others'.

When this division was merely location-based on the island, it was simple. The introduction of Penny and the Freighter people changed it to 'those on island' and 'those approaching', but we were still watching one tangible group dealing with the other. Now the show has widened it's scope to include characters around the globe, and our main leads have become the 'Others'. Does it even matter at this point which one out of Ben and Widmore is good or evil? I reckon this whole feud will eventually be put down to some Trading Places style bet, and that they're both pretty reprehensible people. As Locke suspected this week, he's just a pawn in someone else's war.

Now that he's back though, I'm excited to see how Locke will have changed by his brief visit to the afterlife. They've messed with the format of the show so much these past two seasons with flash-backs/forwards/sideways that I don't see a flash to heaven/hell out of the question.

Time-travelling blog: 2005 - Lost s01e024 - Discussion - Artz and Craftiness

My head is still ringing from this final jungle-trekking, hatch-opening, character-exploding episode. We have a whole two-hours to muse over, so let's get straight to it.

We finally got to see the much-mentioned Black Rock, as the French Woman instructs the lostaways to march across the jungle to find the dynamite hidden within. It turns out it's an old boat, and not a rock at all, and it sits in the middle of the jungle. Quite how it got there is anyone's business. Either it dropped in from the sky, or the island itself moved somehow. I guess it's the vehicular equivalent of a Polar Bear in the jungle.

It turns out dynamite is a temperamental substance, a lesson that costs recently-introduced Artz his life. After seeming to become set up as a major character for the second season, the poor chap explodes all over Hurley, Jack and Kate. Whether this means we'll see other cast members knocked off so suddenly in future is the subject of much speculation. Despite being many viewers favourite, I'm pretty sure Locke will die early next series. He served his purpose being 'at one' with the island in this first series, but could we really endure another 24 episodes watching him turn slowly into some martyr?

Introducing characters in this show is always going to be tough. Surely Lost only exists as long as the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815 do. If they try to introduce more characters in future seasons I'm sure the fans will be vocal in their anger. There's only so long they can promote background characters to regulars though, and it's not as if they're just going to have new folk rock out of the jungle every week.

The raft containing Sawyer, Walt and Michael sails out to sea, and for a moment I allow myself to think they'll find rescue. I'm aware that a second season has been commissioned already, but if Lost ended now I think it would stand as an almost perfect piece of television. Every character has gone through an emotional epiphany in these past twenty three episodes, and for them to return home changed people would be a wonderful sight to behold. Jack and Kate will probably get married, Charlie would re-release his album now he's escaped death, and Hurley will probably give them all a huge chunk of his millions! It would just have been a shame Boone didn't survive until the end of the series. Let's hope none of the other thirteen characters meet the same fate next series.

Instead of rescue the raft is met by a mysterious group of rag-tag bums on a boat. They are going to have to "take the boy", and whisk Walt off after blowing up the make-shift boat Michael had spent so long building, twice. Their small trawler chugs off out of sight, and the last we see of the our sea-bound suvivors is Michael yelling "Waaaaaaaaaaalllllttt". Quite who this group of people are is a mystery fans are obviously very excited about, and theories range from them being the much-hyped 'Others' to 'the 815 survivors but from the future'. Both these seem implausible though. Ethan was the leader of the Others, and had supernatural strength, whereas this bunch looked like they'd set off for a days crab-fishing. As for the idea of time-travel, I'm not sure even a show as rooted in fantasy would ever go fully sci-fi. Plus, I doubt Jack would could ever pull off a beard.

I do hope Michael survives though, as he's my favourite character. The others have family and other loved ones to get back to, but his devotion to his son is the most compelling storyline. If, as I said above, Locke takes a lesser role in the next season, I hope Michael steps up to become a challenger to Jack's 'hero' role.

On-land, after a convoluted idea to hide in it to avoid attack from these 'Others', Jack and Locke finally blow the lid off the hatch and stare down into the void. Rather than on any kind of revelation the first series of Lost ends with two men carrying torches shrinking away as our view falls slowly downwards. Fans are understandably a bit miffed. They've invested twenty four hours in this series, and at the moment the payout is as varied as anything that could possibly exist down a long tunnel. Theories therefore haven't changed from earlier in the series, and we'll just have to wait until September to see if any of them is even close.

Is the hatch a tunnel to the centre of the island, where a crazy old scientist is controlling everyone's mind? Is it the system of travel for the mysterious smoke monster? Is it a fallen space station, or an alien craft? Is it a Truman Show style window into the real world, and our survivors have just been partaking in an elaborate reality TV show? For all we know they'll just climb down on a rope and be greeted by some chap who's living there who doesn't know WW2 ended. Whatever it is, fans will be equally excited and annoyed I'm sure.

Bring on September.

Lost s05e04 - Discussion - Udder udders

This episode involved a lot of setting-up, moving characters around to be in the right place for future events. There's a lot to ponder and speculate over though, so I'll get straight to it.

On-island the survivors decide they're going to race back to the beach to ride the Zodiac dinghy around the coast so that Locke can kill himself travelling in time at The Orchid. Quite how they're so sure the little boat will still be there when time itself is falling apart around them I'm not sure. Apparently objects they had with them when Benry Gale moved that giant icy wagon-wheel around are travelling too, meaning that a gun, it's limited ammo, some hairspray and half a sandwich are also getting a whirlwind tour of the history of the island. Why didn't the camp move? What would happen if you held Richard Eyeliner's hand when the flash of light struck? Would you yank that from his never-aging arm and take it with you to 1988? What if Daniel would have followed through on his mother's assumption that he fancied her and made a move? If the sky turned white during would he literally have snogged her prim little face off?

On a more serious note, but still musing on the ludicrous idea that anyone could ever travel in time, how come Cindy isn't travelling along with the other survivors? Just to refresh the memories of those who don't browse Lostpedia as diligently as myself, she's the 815 stewardess who crashed in the tail section, was abducted by Others and was last seen staring at Jack in a cage. Her affiliation is now with that group, and not our plane-crash based 'Losties'. This might explain why Juliet is time-travelling whilst other Others aren't, since she officially joined their camp at the end of season three.

Locke spots Desmond's light, signifying that time-wise an angry season one him is sitting on top of the hatch banging his fists in anger. So rather than see another perspective on an already perfect scene, (and my personal favourite of the whole series) instead we get an all very convenient re-play of Kate helping her future adopted son being born. Sawyer watches on longingly, and a million female fans stop the fast-forwarding they've been doing since episode one where he took his top off. Lit by candlelight he's almost tearful, looking but not able to touch, like he's a customer at a particularly niche stripclub: 'Watch women pulling objects from each other's vaginas in a jungle'. Hang on, the next 'flash' is to 1988 right? Who's to say he doesn't steal Aaron, take his top off again and become the original Athena Poster man?

Later, he confesses to Juliet how affected he was by the whole ordeal. Although refreshingly frank for a show where none of the characters seem to discuss the amazing events that happen to each other, why are characters waiting until now to do so? Was Jack not equally shocked when he saw his father in the woods, both emotionally and because he's dead? Or when Jack met Desmond, a man he recognised from ten years previous whilst running up and down stairs at a stadium. Perhaps I've answered my own question there. Jack is a dick, and should be considered seperate to any theory about the show.

Off-island Jack is still being a dick, albeit one who's understandably in need of a drink. Quite how he's coping with keeping things together without falling back to his very recent ways I do not know. Amid the resuscitation and custody battles, I keep expecting him to turn to camera like in Airplane, saying "I chose the wrong day to give up prescription drugs and alcohol". He seems fine though, and sets off investigating who's trying to claim custody of Claire's toddler Aaron. I can't have been alone in assuming it was Ben all along. Claire's mother doesn't have the acting abilities to have more than a guest role, and we haven't seen that chap from The Wire at all this season. It all ends with everyone apart from Hurley at some docks, where the actors all stand around smugly realising their show is looking increasingly like an episode of 24.

On-island the survivors finally make it to camp, only to find that it's been ransacked. They find a bottle of a drink that they linger on far too long for it's name not to have some significance, and then head off on their 'outriggers' (canoes). Once at sea, a mysterious group behind them paddling on their own giant canoe starts shooting at them. This scene is mysteriously devoid of any real clues as to deduce who their attackers are, which leads to me to believe this is a significant new plot thread that the characters are just stumbling through. Like the sea-billies on the boat in season one we're only given a glimpse of these people, but they'll become hugely important in the large-scale story of Lost. There's a whole website about Ajira Airways for fuck's sake, so we know this is going to be big.

Briefly, here are some theories about where the survivors are, and who their attackers were:
-They're the older Oceanic 6, who've just re-crashed on the island on a flight from India. They're shooting at Sawyer, Juliet et al because they don't recognise them and think they've stolen their boat.
-It's the exact same boat only slightly in the future. They are shooting at themselves. Theory falls down on the difference in their canoes. Our chaps' one is a double, whilst theirs is a single.
-The crash is an alternative Oceanic 815. Because events in the past have been changed, the flight Sawyer and Locke boarded never crashes. This one from India does, and so it's passengers assume everyone on the canoe to be 'Others'.

The bigger issue that none of these theories seem to mention though is where did all the the canoes come from?

This all pales into insignificance compared with the first major character-related 'reveal' of the new series. After a further flash the survivors are greeted by an almighty storm, and paddle ashore. Our attention is suddenly turned to a small group of people on a circular raft, who appear to be speaking French. They spot something just out of reach, a figure on a piece of debris. Pulling him closer whilst facedown, (so as to delay seeing his face until the music kicks in,) we see that the man is Jin, who's been un-knowingly time travelling for the past few days. His rescuers are of course a lovely 1988 round faced Danielle and her team of scientist explorers, and it seems after four years of spouting mental stories from her little island shack we're finally going to see her backstory.

The details of her past, or that which we know about it, are quite sketchy. We know that her crew got the 'sickness', and that a chap called Montand lost his arm. Then apparently they all started killing each other. But this was way back in season one, where the details of the island's past and mythology hadn't been thought through yet. Since then we've got Purges and Incidents, Hostiles and Hatches coming out of our ears, and it was never quite sure how Danielle's vague story fitted in between them. More confusing was her relationship to Benry Gale, who seemed to be the father of her daughter Alex. In season four, before watching her get a bullet in the head, Ben confesses that he 'stole' Alex as a baby from an 'insane French woman', excusing the writers for some elements of the contradicting plot. Her story might be false, or elaborated. Whichever, it'll be interesting to see how they weave it into the rest of the island events. Are the whispers she hears in the woods our time-travelling survivors? Are our hero's somehow involved in Alex's kidnapping?

It was a nice comic touch to have Jin land on a beach again, not speaking the language of those around him. After finally learning enough English to discuss bomb defusal in season four, he's time travelled back to season two thematically. His understandable confusion, and from the way Montand was acting a bit agro toward him, leads me to think we're going to find the reason for the frenchman's arm falling off by the end of the next episode.

Lost s05e03 - Discussion - Lock, Stock and a funeral

I think we can call them 'flash-middle-backs', these leaps back to three years previous that make up the third narrative timeline in season five of Lost. The gap between 2005's rescue and 2007's imminent returning excursion is being filled in much the way Flashbacks did for all characters' lives pre-crash. So now we get to see that Desmond knocked that Penny up pretty sharpish on his return, and that the island's magnetism hasn't harmed his plentiful scottish seed. Cue plenty of 'I love you Penny's, and a happy audience. As I've said before, Desmond has become the stable heart of the show. Where others have dabbled in prescription medication or become a hired mercenary, he's still just trying to be 'a great man'.

Desmond sets sail to Oxford via London, as obviously it's a suburb of the city. He parks his boat on the Thames, and before you can say 'cor blimey Mary Poppins' he's amongst the worst English accents television has to offer. What is it with Lost and the British? It seems an intelligently constructed show, but does no-one British live in Hawaii at all to give them some advice? If you use the word 'honour' in a poster for the Scottish army, there's a 'u' in it for fucks sake. Pubs don't look like 'Irish' pubs in the US, and certainly don't have Union Flags draped over the walls unless it's good old BNP meeting-place. Desmond does suffer from National stereotyping in that being scottish he's earthy, honest and a drunk, but certainly isn't written as shamelessly hammy as the people he encounters, who appear to be either cockneys or horribly toitey posh people. I hate to reciprocate in stereotypes, but are American scriptwriters and casting agents' entire knowledge of the UK based on watching Richard Curtis and Guy Richie films?

The woman Daniel seems to have left comatosed, and presumably drifting in time, is named Theresa. Is this the same Theresa that was Boon's nanny during the 90s, who died going up and down the stairs? He might have only briefly mentioned that back in season one, but as I've said previously this season is aimed purely at the eagle-eyed nerd. If nationality and hair colour are significant hints at character backstory I'm sure their actual names are moreso.

On-island the survivors are mistaken for the US army-men who have apparently confronted the 'native' islanders recently whilst trying to carry out Hydrogen bomb tests. This explains why their rifles and knives have been knocking about on the island since season two. Goodwin's knife was 'US army standard', back when we gave a fuck about the tail section survivors. It also explains pretty much all of that season's 'hatch' plot in a couple of lines of dialogue. The bomb dangling precariously on string must be buried as it has a leak. It will best be contained behind concrete and underground, and be released periodically every 108 minutes to the music of Mama Cass.

It'd be funny if during these 'flashbacks' they try to explain away other long-standing mysteries of the show very quickly and dismissively. Imagine if we stumble upon the primitive 'hostile' colony that communicates between tribes using smoke signals. Daniel Faraday Quantum Leaps into the scene and drops something scientific into the fire. Explosions occur, and he creates the smoke monster!

I'm being cynical of course, which is inappropriate for Desmond episodes because he's by far the most genuine and lovely character in the show. When watching this installment I was chopping onions at the time, which explains the odd 'time-displacement' occurrence that happened near the end of the episode where my eyes began producing water. Whilst arguing with Penny, Des reveals that he named his child Charlie after our favourite Hobbit Martyr. He died so that everyone else could survive, let us not forget. However, part of the premonition that lead to his death involved Claire getting on a helicopter too. Desmond not only carries guilt, but the knowledge that his involvement in this story is far from over.

On the island Locke is once again taking matters into his own hands, marching into mini-Otherville to demand to speak to the never-aging Richard Eyeliner. Just as he said himself in the future, Dicky doesn't remember Locke at all. He needs more convincing of Locke's leadership skills than the old 'Your future self told me' line. Locke tells him to go and witness his own birth in two years, and hands over the compass future-Rich gave to him. This means the compass is officially stuck in a time loop! Richard will keep it for the whole fifty years before handing it to Locke again, soon after which he'll hand it back again. Whatever that things made of it too doesn't age. Perhaps it's ability to last forever will at some point lead to an explanation about Alpert.

The chap called Jones is indeed a young Widmore, as predicted last week. He's a very angry young man who's not afraid of snapping a comrade's neck for the good of Otherdom. This also gives an explanation as to why Locke couldn't shoot him, if we are to believe their time-travelling adventures can never interfere and alter things they know to happen in the future. Locke doesn't say anything to Widmore of significance about his future though, perhaps because the news he has to endure fifteen years playing playing Jim Robinson before getting a decent acting role will cause him to snap his own neck.

The origin of more familiar characters are revealed when Daniel gets escorted off to the bomb site by an austere tight-lipped English-accented Other. She says he looks familiar and comments on his continual stares in her direction. Turns out Daniel's not demonstrating his lack of commitment to his just-revealed love Charlotte, and that it's a family resemblance he's checking the girl out for. She's his mother, the one-day Ring lady and basement-dwelling scientist friend of Ben. This being Lost, I'd hazard a guess that his father is somewhere on-island currently too. My money is on him being Widmore, for the following reason.

All three 'freightees' were born on the island. Miles was indeed the baby in Chang's crib in the first episode, and Charlotte stated she was in the season four finale. Seeing as in 2004 no-one's able to live through pregnancy on-island I'd guess these characters were the last babies that did. Their significance is the same reason the Oceanic Six must return to the island, as there must be some rules in the universe about not being able to 'create' life on an island that moves in time. Anything that's created has to stay within the crazy little world of the island, and so these three must return.

Charlotte's got a nosebleed now though, which doesn't look good. She's just been told by Daniel that he's very much in love with her, which is normally indicative that her plot loose-ends are being tied up and she's ready to be being bumped off.

Lost s05e02 - Discussion - Who Framed Hugo Rayes?

The second episodes of seasons of Lost are often hugely disappointing. After the jaw-dropping-ness of seeing they've crashed on the island/someone lives in the hatch/they've been captured in cages/they're going to be rescued the story must quickly address the lesser plotlines of the show and tell us what the B-Team are up to. So in the past we have had to endure such excitement as two men stranded on a raft, more about Kate being a fugitive and finding out that Sun once dropped an ornament. This time around though the 'B' team is full of 'A' characters, except they're in the less-fun future/present day. Story-line wise they're invincible, and so make it less thrilling viewing. I'm pretty sure no-ones about to die on the island either, but their predicament seems more dire and therefore, sadly, more awesome. Let's hope this way of thinking doesn't overflow into 'real life' and I end up going base jumping.

To summarise the off-island action, Hurley ends up taking the blame for Sayid's murderous actions under the instruction of Ben. He's confessed to the cops now and so we're going to have to endure a whole episode of plot-diversion where they break him out or there's a big trial. They'll dismiss his conspiracy theories as the mutterings of a madman, stealing whole chunks of dialogue from Terminator 2. "You're the one living in a fucking dream, Widmore!" Sayid nearly dies, but clearly won't. He's got the doctor with the worst track record in successful surgery looking after him, and this time he's coming off drugs'n'booze.

Ben's been visiting mysterious folk, carting Locke's body around in the boot. They stop off at a butcher just so that for a moment viewers think he's going to have ole Jeremey Bentham turned into chops. Perhaps if the island will cure Locke of dying anyway, being in pieces isn't much more of a challenge. It does mean it'll be easier carrying him around though, as the whole Oceanic Six could share the load. Plus, if they ate him it'd be a great way of smuggling him through customs. Ben ends his discussion with the Ladybutcher by pointing out again that "This is really fucking important as if we fail we're all dead", unnecessarily reminding the viewer that whilst not-fun or interesting, the off-island plot is the most important one. I'm getting tired of his speeches frankly. He tries to imbue the end of every scene with huge gravitas and grave significance, but ends up over-egging that particular plot-pudding. He also fetches a mysterious package from the airvent in his hotel room, which I'm only mentioning for it's reminiscence to a scene from a popular film of last year and the picture I got to mock-up: No Country for Old Ben.

On-island the remaining survivors get significantly reduced in numbers as they're attacked by various unknown groups. Neil Frogurt, mentioned in previous episodes and seen once pre-season five here, does a brilliant impression of Artz from season one and gets killed just one episode into his Lost career. He too dies whilst being annoying and shouting at a cast regular, a crime that must be considered on a par with getting caught drink driving by the shows producers. Other 'redshirt's die too, and run into trees burning. Sadly, the show stopped bothering with funerals way back in season two, and so the scene serves only to cull this fast-paced fifth season of it's unnecessary baggage. It's kind of like when people start to leave a workplace with increasing regularity. At first they get a card, a gift, a dinner and drinks, but by the time half the staff have fucked off people haven't got the energy to make a fuss. I'd wager they'll be an official "We're the only ones left" in a couple of episodes once Rose and Bernard finally die.

Their assailants weapon choice suggests our survivors could be being attacked by the earliest inhabitants of the island, and that they've slipped back into the very-past. are these the 'Hostiles', much referred to but never really seen? Well, no. Or at least we're not in Black Rock-era past just yet. The appearance of some Dharma-esque uniformed chaps in the woods suggests this isn't the early 1900s. They appear to have bad British accents, an affliction the show normally inflicts on off-islanders. Taking into consideration last week's posting about new character accent/skin colour judgements, many assume this chap to be a young Charles Widmore. He did claim it was his island after all, which suggested he'd been there before Ben ever had. Is he one of DHARMA's founders, or The Others/Hostiles? His jacket says 'Jones', but could be standard issue attire for someone who gets recruited and wants to remain unknown. Anyway, we barely have time to contemplate this because Locke turns up with a knife, again. Like Ben with his speeches, this is getting tired. His routine at the moment is to spend four or five episodes having a 'walkabout', then rock up in the middle of a crisis to kill someone. Perhaps it's the writer's get-out clause for difficult plot strands or awkward situations.

Another character who's being judged by their accent is the old lady who turns up at the end of the episode. She's using some exciting science tool that draws lines just to prove she's a scientist, and then walks upstairs to greet a familiar face, Benry Gale. Keen readers will instantly recognise her as Mrs Hawkings, the 'ring lady' from Desmond's first time-travelling episode. But this is Lost, and so every facet of her being is a clue as to her connection to characters or events in the show. She's a scientist, and in England.

**Puts on investigating hat**

Scientist.
Woman.
English.
Old.
Mothers are old.
She's someone's mother who's a scientist.
She's someone's mother who's a scientist that lives near(-ish) London.

Daniels Mother is the woman Desmond is looking for.
Case. Closed.

C+ Lost. Must try harder.